Voicemail: "Hi Michele, its Doc Martin calling. Can you please stop by my office this afternoon. I need you to pick up something I have for you. Also, I hope you're not doing anything tonight because my wife and I would like to take you out to dinner in Astoria. We'll talk more when you stop by the office."
Scene at Doctor's Office: Doc Martin hands me a large black duffel bag closed with a security zip tie and says: "This bag is for you. Don't open it. Bring it with you to this address at 7:45pm sharp tonight. I'll explain everything when you get there. Remember, no peeking!"
And with that he turned on his heel and walked back to his examination room. I was left standing there filled with questions while holding a large duffel bag and a slip of paper with an address. The mystery of the duffel occupied my mind most of the day.
As night began to fall so did my spirits with them. Its now been a week since my attack and my attacker still hasn't been caught, even with the help of a friend from MIT trying to catch the guy via my stolen cell phone. My most immediate need in getting him apprehended is I want to feel safe.
I want to be able to not have to look over my shoulder whenever I hear a sound behind me as I walk down the street. I want to walk down the street without fear. Had it not been because I was in so much physical pain that I needed my 90 min acupuncture session, I would have stayed home.
Afterwards, I debated whether or not to go to the address but couldn't come up a with a good enough reason not to, so I went. There I found Doc waiting for me with a similar large black duffel bag, outside what seemed to be a dance studio.
Turns out the dance studio also doubles as a Martial Arts studio in the evenings. Doc broke the zip tie of my duffel bag and pointed to the modern gee or uniform I was to change into and the special gloves I was to wear to protect my hands. I took a deep breath as I looked up at his kind generous face. Part of me just wanted to be home sitting on the couch numbing myself out with the tv. I'm sure Doc had a million things he could be doing but instead he was here, coaxing me slowly back to choosing life. Just then his wife walked in and taking the bag said: "come on, I'll show where you can change."
After changing I walked back to the dance space and found Doc in similar gear, barefoot and stretching. I stopped at the edge of the floor and lingered before bowing. A flood of memories came rushing back as the familiar scent in the room of sweat, effort and dedication transported me back to when I was teenager and stood on a similar threshold. The difference today was that I knew that the inner pain and fear caused by the trauma would eventually go away if I chose to take a step forward. Then I heard my old Sensei's speak to me: "When you allow yourself to train fully, you become stronger than my pain."
And with that I bowed, saluting Doc and all the teachers that came before in an old familiar greeting indicating this student was ready to begin anew her training. With that decision came a choice to no longer be a victim.
I want to be able to not have to look over my shoulder whenever I hear a sound behind me as I walk down the street. I want to walk down the street without fear. Had it not been because I was in so much physical pain that I needed my 90 min acupuncture session, I would have stayed home.
Afterwards, I debated whether or not to go to the address but couldn't come up a with a good enough reason not to, so I went. There I found Doc waiting for me with a similar large black duffel bag, outside what seemed to be a dance studio.
Turns out the dance studio also doubles as a Martial Arts studio in the evenings. Doc broke the zip tie of my duffel bag and pointed to the modern gee or uniform I was to change into and the special gloves I was to wear to protect my hands. I took a deep breath as I looked up at his kind generous face. Part of me just wanted to be home sitting on the couch numbing myself out with the tv. I'm sure Doc had a million things he could be doing but instead he was here, coaxing me slowly back to choosing life. Just then his wife walked in and taking the bag said: "come on, I'll show where you can change."
After changing I walked back to the dance space and found Doc in similar gear, barefoot and stretching. I stopped at the edge of the floor and lingered before bowing. A flood of memories came rushing back as the familiar scent in the room of sweat, effort and dedication transported me back to when I was teenager and stood on a similar threshold. The difference today was that I knew that the inner pain and fear caused by the trauma would eventually go away if I chose to take a step forward. Then I heard my old Sensei's speak to me: "When you allow yourself to train fully, you become stronger than my pain."
And with that I bowed, saluting Doc and all the teachers that came before in an old familiar greeting indicating this student was ready to begin anew her training. With that decision came a choice to no longer be a victim.
