Saturday, July 14, 2007

State of my state

Hey there! Hope you’'re all well. I’ve been visiting my top 50 blogs through my cell and seeing the amusing, fun, interesting, heartwarming stuff you all have posted. I’m still keeping VW, RSM, JON and a few other special people in my thoughts and prayers as they go through their physical/health challenges. I’ve been through my own this past year, sometimes even doubled-up when I was undergoing chemotherapy while dealing with torn ligaments in my knees that left me on crutches for months. I know it can'’t compare to your own personal trials but what I have to share from my own experience is that if you  hang in there, relying on your faith, your relationship with your creator and find daily inspiration for a positive outlook, you’ll have the ability to have a more positive outcome. A decade ago when I had my first bout of cancer if found Louise Hay to be a very inspiring author. From her I found others. So if you’re going through anything that’s challenging your spirit, I encourage you to search online for positive inspiration or re-explore your faith again. There’s plenty of support and resources online so I hope if you need you’ll use them to get through any bump in your road.

As for me, I'm currently back in physical therapy almost 2 hrs per day, in order to finish the rehab on my knee and move back into the gym. Wooohoooo! At the same time I'm busy going through an intensive professional development course which is FRIEKIN AWESOME! Of course the goal-setting workshop kicked my butt this week because I didn’t anticipate that we would be taking THREE DAYS to envision everything I would like to see in my professional life for the next TWENTY YEARS. Now please understand, I’m psyched about this because these are all my professional hopes and dreams that were tucked in the back of my head but never allowed to see the light of day. Why? They were small thoughts based on a fearful life that didn't dare to dream. And folks, this time I was not only given permission to dream, I went out there full forced and dared to dream... BIG!

This Trainer/Coach is so good I decided to take and pay for a personal development class with him. Unfortunately, I didn’t know it at the time of signing up, but the classes overlap for about 2 weeks. At first the overachiever in me thought: “ahh, I’ll be able to manage.” Now, I’m not so sure I can do both classes justice. All I can do is try because I really want to take these 2 courses now. This guy isn’t always in NYC and the timing for these courses in my life is perfect.

You see I'’ve always had a lot of dreams. When I was 25 and diagnosed with cancer the first time around I made a list of the top 50 things I wanted to accomplish in my life. The first 10 or most important to me I decided to accomplish prior to starting chemo. In fact I deferred chemo for 4 weeks because I wanted to have something to think about and feel good about during the throwing up, loosing my hair, skin looking gray, not wanting to continue on days. The accomplishment of those 10 things were my carrots/my evidence that dangled before my eyes for my future life and my drive for remaining an active participant in my recovery so that I could accomplish the remaining 40 things by age 40.

By age 35, I was blessed by God with having the opportunities to accomplish 48 of the 50 goals on that original list. When I was 40 I completed the last 2. This past April, when I was diagnosed with skin cancer, I quickly did a top 10 list of things I wanted God to bless me with the opportunity to see, do, have in the following year. It was tough at times, especially after my knee injury, but God making the way, I forged ahead and I recently accomplished my 10th! Wooohoooo! So I knew I needed a new set of goals that would help me continue my forward momentum. And this instructor, well, he dares me to not only dream, because God didn't put us on this earth to do just a few things but to do great things (whether small or big) in his name. So this time I dared to dream like I’ve never dreamed before. He asks me to visualize my dreams and how they would look like in my life, with no impediments such as fear stopping me. There’s more, and the course its a lot more intense, but that is just plain awesome. No one has ever dared me to dream and aim way high! High enough to reach the sky for God's guidance and blessing. No one! And so he has shown me that my track record of accomplishing my small dreams are proof that I cannot only dream big, but that God will show me ways to accomplish the big dreams too, if they're his will. Which means... me eventually leaving NYC (you know I’ve kidded about this before but it’s a dream of mine) and finding a wonderful community to live and work, where I can raise my son to be a happy values oriented kid. Woohooo! Can you tell I’m psyched?

So I’m looking at a schedule that looks a little bit like this:

5:30am – 7:00am – Physical Therapy via Skype
7:00am – 8:00am – Make breakfast (pack lunch) get son and I ready for our days
8:00am – 9:00am – Travel to drop off son at camp/continue on to work
9:00am – 10:00am – Get as much stuff done as possible before Prof. Dev. Class
10:00am – 11:00am – Professional Development Class
11:00am – 4:45pm – Work \hard to get all issues resolved & squeeze in 20 min of PT
4:45pm – 7:00pm – Travel to and take classes then take a cab home
7:15pm – 8:30pm – Catch up w/son and sitter, spend time focusing on son & get him ready for next day and bed
8:30pm – 10:00pm –House work, meal prep for bkfast, lunch & dinner as I eat dinner
10:00am – 1:00am – Do homeowork for class, shower and crash in my bed

In order to achieve this I’ve had to adjust my nutrition and increase protein, calcium, etc. to support the extra activity. So far so good, I’ve been on this schedule for 2 weeks now and it’s held up well. The truth is I'’ve not slept this good, been this driven, nor been this excited about life since before 9/11 when my beloved friends and I were all training for the NYC Marathon.

What do I attribute all this change to? Your total steadfast support, your unconditional love and you guys cheering for me until I was able to once again cheer for myself and cheer you guys on right back. You have helped me heal in ways I never thought were possible. And the most awesome part of this process is that I am a better person than I was prior to 9/11. God bless you all for being such an integral catalyst in my growth and I promise to be back as soon as I’m done!

Oh one of my personal goals that I intend to put down on my list and accomplish over the next 3 years is to attend at least 1 blog meet and make a few personal visits to some awesome bloggers out there. So, look out! I just may be headed your way by the end of the summer!

BTW, comments are still closed 'cause in this kingdom I choose not to deal with scum of the earth spammers. But thank you for stopping bye, for your incredible support and for sticking by me through the quiet blogless periods.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."
~ Jeremiah 29:11

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