Types of Men I Love

There are 2 types of men that I absolutely fall for: smart guys and funny guys. If the guy is both I have hit the jackpot and I'm head over heals in love.  

I was lucky enough to know Robin (who is both funny and smart) during his early days when he was roommates with Christopher Reeve.  I had such a crush on him I would never talk I would just stammer.  He would love to talk to me because I was an easy audience, He made it easy for me to be around him.  Another thing, he seldom cursed when off stage.  

Work has been so stressful that I haven't laughed in awhile. Since I also missed Robin I needed to re-ignite my crush, so I watched him here.  Enjoy! 

Frayed at the Seams

For the past 8 weeks I’ve been working hard on several projects and dealing with lots and lots of stresses:
- working on the splitting up of our dept., and the transition that will require us to re-allocate: work, assets, resources and personnel
- not knowing until the end of last week, that my employment would continue
- organizing high level business meetings with a Gov., several Commissioners, some senators and Reps along with business leaders for that state
- reading, digesting and analyzing pressing time-sensitive legislation and forwarding important items to people within my firm explaining why it’s important they review it
- dealing with prima donna staffers at work & elsewhere
- dealing with first, my son’s ear infection, then his throat infection, which is now a mild chest congestion
- dealing with the abnormal growth of my son’s incisor tooth which is bothering him
- answering my accountants questions so he can finish the taxes I started (but was unable to finish filing due to my additional work
- getting my wallet pick pocketed on the train and having to deal with reporting all my cards as stolen
- dealing with almost daily changes in my son’s school schedule and class routine
- taking him to swim class, baseball clinics, birthday parties, etc.
- dealing with the shortcomings of my babysitter which led me to fire her 2 days ago.

Well, in the last 48 hrs life reached a level of stress that made me fray at the seams and finally act out in passive-aggressive ways, some of which involved playfully transferring my frustration onto 2 very patient and kind individuals. Along the way God showed me that he still loves and cares about me and that he’'s still taking care of me. “How do I know?” you may ask.

Two days ago, while riding in a fellow parent’s car, I began to get an eerie feeling of desperation that I needed to leave the car right away. So I begged the driver to pull over because I had forgotten that I needed to take the train in order to be on time for a mtg. Mind you, I had already been riding in the car over 20 min. But something inside kept nagging at me during those 20 min., and my increasingly queezy stomach convinced me to change my plans.

Five minutes later, while I was comfortably sitting on the train reading Tammi’s blog, a car rear-ended my friend’s car at 70mph, sending it into an active intersection, where a 2nd car smashed into the passenger side (where I had been sitting) making her car jump onto the sidewalk, injuring 5 pedestrians, 2 almost fatally. After I visited the driver in the hospital and saw her extensive bruising, I decided to go see the car. What I found at the police parking lot was a smashed up and flattened sardine can. I could not help but break down and cry and thank God for keeping me safe here on earth for a little while longer.

Somehow, the sudden unravelling of all my projects doesn’t seem all that important. What is important is that I was able to have a wonderful dinner with my son tonight, I was able to sit on the floor beside his bathtub as he bathed, while reading to him the recap of last night’'s Yankees and Mets game. But most importantly, I was able to hug him and kiss him goodnight then sit on his bed holding his little hand telling him all about the very first time I went to a baseball game. Earlier he had not only said please and thank you,… he asked if he could be excused from the dinner table. Those 3 hours today were parenting magic.

I’m so very grateful that I not only get to spend more time with the incredible little guy that’'s my son; I get to have the pleasure to be around and enjoy his company for what's to come.

Daz’d, I believe this definitely qualifies as one of those pre-cognitive experiences you’ve asked readers to share about.

Three Years

It's been 3 years since I began blogging to heal from all my losses. What started as a place to pour out my pain and tears has become a place to reflect, create, and explore. Even though the pain is mostly gone, I continue to use this blog:

- to reflect on how the past continues to affect and imbue my present spirit and actions.
- to create, using my talents and the inspiration I receive from others.
-To explore who and where I am, while continuing to move towards my dreams and discover who I am yet to be.

Thanks to all of you who stop here along your own personal roads of discovery, for you have all become part of me in one way or another.

Hot Damm!

Scene takes place at a local café, while I’m talking for a few minutes with another mom during children’s storytime.

Me: “Is it hot in here or is it me?”

A Mom: “It IS a bit warm in here. But you’re also drinking hot latte. [Touching my forhead] You don’t have a fever.” 

Me: “Man… I’m so hot I want to take off my shirt and go bury my chest in the snow”

A Mom: [blinks and looks away, not knowing what to say]

Me: “Sorry, that was too much information, wasn’t it?

------------------- an hour later-------------------

Scene takes place on the street; it’s 20F and the wind chill makes it feels like 11F. I’ve bumped into my babysitter’s mom, Jenny, who was a Dr. in South America. While talking with her I begin opening my coat, removing my scarf, taking off my gloves and finally my hat.

Jenny: “Aren’t you cold? It’s freezing out here.”

Me: “No… I’m actually kinda hot.” 

Jenny: “How many layers of clothing do you have on?” [I’m known for my layering. Tammi doesn’t know this but when I met her for dinner I had wool/cashmere blend tights, a pair of leggings under a pair of corduroy pants. Over all my clothing I wore my Michelin style, full-length (sub-zero) down coat.]

Me: I’m wearing just 2 light shirts and 2 pants under my down coat. [I remove my coat to show her.]

Jenny: Let me see… [touches my forhead], you don’t have a fever. [she asks lots of medical questions, which I answer]. Hmm, you’re too young to be going through the change.

Me: What change?

Jenny: You know…the change [she says frowning at me for not getting her meaning.]

Me: What change?

Jenny: The…. change [she says speaking slowly as if talking to a retarded child].

Me: “Who’s on first?”

Jenny: “What?....”

Me: “What’s on second.”

Jenny: “What are you talking about?” [she’s got major frowning action going on now].

Me: “I don’t know [“he’s on 3rd”]. I have no idea what YOU”RE talking about.”

Jenny: “Well it doesn’t matter because you’re too young to be going through it anyway.”

Me: “Well, thank you for that non-diagnosis, Dr!”

Jenny: [She laughs, but I’m wondering if she really understands my sense of humor.]

------------------- 2 hours later-------------------

Scene takes place in my kitchen. As I wrestle with dinner options I call my blog-bro _Jon..

Me: "Jon, can I ask you a question about your wife’s chemo treatment? Do you mind?" 

Jon: "Not at all. What do you want to know?" 

Me: "I’m having insane cravings: Today I bought anchovies, feta cheese and olives for my dinner. Did she ever get cravings for foods like that?" 

Jon: "Yep, she had some pretty strange requests." 

Me: "Okay, I’m glad to know it’s not just me." 

Jon: "No, it’s not just you. Oh by the way, she also had some major hot flashes." 

Me: "Oh. My. God… I thought I was either going crazy or there was something seriously wrong with me. How did you know I needed to know that?" 

Jon: "I just figured you did because it’s all part of the chemotherapy."

Me: "Oh, I can’t believe it… so that’s what’s been going on?" [I momentarily think about sharing how I wanted to take off my clothes and bury my chest in the snow earlier, but the look of that mom’s face came back to me, so I spared him. Some things are better left unsaid.]

Lucky for me I have this blog, so I can remind myself – it’s the chemo stupid – if I forget!

Jon, one more question. Is insomnia also part of this? It's 3:00am and I'm still not yet sleepy.

Playing Cyrano - A Man's Post

For the past 48 hrs. I've been writing little notes, leaving text or voice mail messages, letting some of the incredible people in my life know that I care about them and that they are much loved. In return I have received a number of requests (a total of 5 in the last 48hrs) from my guys (deployed soldiers I correspond with) who have asked me for help in writing to their wives/girlfriends/loves, letting them know they are loved. They are looking for the perfect letter. I was hoping my previous post in which Daz'd wrote a poem to his wife would be enough. But they don't want poetry because it's not them.

When I wrote back to the first few, they essentially replied they needed "a sample" or something to go on for inspiration, because love letters were "out of their area of expertise". Hmmmm, I know what that feels like, when you struggle to say the right thing to someone not knowing if you've said it well because your emotions are all jammed up inside.

Sooooo, I'm thinking this is a post my wonderful male readers can help with. If you don't want to be recognized you can send an email to: lettersfromnyc [at] yahoo [dot] com with your "sample" note or letter. It will not only help these men, it will also counter some of the negative vibes the cynics of the blogosphere have been spreading. So, I hope you help your fellow man and guide these young ones in the way of love, and in so doing show women out there that some of you know how to sweep a lady off her feet when you put your mind to it!

I asked one of my incredibly talented and most wonderful blog brother Jon, to help some of these men out, with sample he would write to his wife. Here's what he contributed:
--------------------------------------------

Michele: My idea here is for men to take these templates and expand upon them. If your correspondents read these and are inspired to expound upon them, I think they can create some wonderful - personal - letters of their own.
Thanks for the chance to help, the chance to create. - Jon

----- Template: Strength -----
The love I feel for you exceeds words. I say "I love you" each time I hug you, each time we kiss, each time I touch your hand. I think of your love during my most difficult times. Your support - your love - renews my strength and helps me get my work done. There is a special strength I gain when I think of how much love we share. Many times I want to hurry and finish what I am doing so that I can return to you. When a soft ray of light touches my skin, I often feel it is your touch, even when we are far apart.

----- Template: Time -----
When I smell your perfume, I am transported to those special times we've shared. Holding you is like being wrapped in a warm blanket - so soft and comforting. When I wear things you have given me, I recall the moment of joy when we first touched. Each of these feelings is permanent in my heart. These memories are etched in my mind as solid as carvings in stone. My love for you will always be strong. The time we have spent together is but a small down payment on the time I wish we could share.

----- Template: Religious -----
I am so very blessed to have your love. I feel as if God had selected an angel to love me. When my faith falters, a simple reminder of your love restores everything. At moments when I question, your love removes any doubt. Knowing that you - My Angel - are watching for me, waiting for me, loving me - that boosts my spirit. In those moments when I pray, all of those prayers include thanking God for you in my life. From the moment I say "Amen", I feel the strength of your love in me, helping me up, keeping me going. With your love, I have an unshakable faith.

----- Template: Without -----
Without your love, I would be hollow. Not only do you fill me, your love causes an overflow within my heart. I do not cry because of our love - I shout, I do little dances in private, I smile and laugh for reasons only we understand. I cannot say how much I love you because it is beyond what words can express. Only my actions can show you the depth of my love for you, and as you will see through the years, my love for you is without end. Without your love, I would not be me.

----- Template: Query -----
How much do I love you?
How much does a flower love the sun? How much does a singer love the song? How much does the painter love the brush? How much does the driver love the open road? How much does the pilot love the take-off? How much does the eagle love the wind? How much does the tree love the earth?
There is no limit to my love for you. It is the ultimate question - it can only be answered by another question.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Of course, for those of you who want to be a little more naughty, you can visit Harvey's treasure trove of Daily Love Notes for inspiration or out right swipping. Please feel free to contribute your own notes to help others. THANKS!

Update: The submission below was contributed by Laughing Wolf.

You complete me. Though the distance is long, you are here with me, a vital part of me. Your love is a warmth that surrounds me, your laughter brings a smile to my lips, your eyes are a memory into which I sink each night, and the silk of your touch is a comfort from within when things are rough. The distance is long, but to spirit and mind it is as if you are here. Memories of you fill my thoughts, your love my heart, and your strength and support surround me each day. Know that you are in my thoughts this day and every day, and that I send my love to warm you and surround you every day.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Great job guys [fanning myself to bring the temperature in the room down] all those are great contributions and pass my swooning  inspection.

Battle Weary - A Work in Healing

My battle weary body
collapses... tired.
Sleep escaping...
sad thoughts
circling,
torturing,
punishing,
like a train
aiming for
my brain.
I’m gripped,
by age old fears,
while shedding tears
through all these years
which never end.

If only this were:
… a bad dream;
… a tired scream
that’s dying
from within.

But it’s not,
it’s
…a hurting soul
…not yet whole
Paying,
a high cost.
with life & thoughts
for caring
and loving
when it should have not.

Its new pain…
like an old refrain
playing endlessly
without restrain.

Comfort can’t be found
in memories,
nor in those that live
for they so easily
can deceive.

Instead,
I turn to God,
my source for all,
who provides,
healing love,
and patience
from above.

~ me ~ 1.31.07

On Reading C. S. Lewis

I'm currently reading C. S. Lewis' essay, THE PROBLEM OF PAIN (1940) in which he explores the depths of his faith in light of the suffering he sees around him. In the essay Lewis asks: "If God is good and all-powerful, why does he allow his creatures to suffer pain?"

In the end, his spiritual quest led him to believe that much of the suffering in God's world can be traced to the evil/sinful choices people make, for which they must atone and amend for in this lifetime before achieving inner peace and a true connection to God. It's a very thought provoking essay. 

Conversation with Michele

A post written by Colin :

I was sitting there reading the NY Times while visiting/caring for Michele after physical therapy for her knee injury. She was stretched out on the couch with her right leg propped up on a pillow with a huge ice pack on her knee. We had been sitting quietly, me reading - she thinking, for upwards of an hour without saying a word to each other.

She was staring out the window and looking up at the night sky, when she noticed me staring and turned to look at me for a moment.

"What have you been thinking about all this time?”" I finally asked her as I glanced back at the newspaper and turned the page.

"“Nothing really"” she replied and turned to look back out the window. After a long pause, in which I read an entire article, she asked, “"Have you ever read Ayn Rand or Robert Heinlein?”"

“"No, but I have heard of them."” I stared at her thoughtfully for awhile. “"Michele, I was just wondering… something... is this what married life is like?"” She looked at me intently for a moment, almost as if to read me.

“"Well, that depends on what you’re feeling at this moment."

After considering a bit, I shared: “"Comfortable, serene, relaxed."”

After a deep reflective sigh, and with a tone of real honesty, almost wistfully, she said: "“Imagine those feelings, along with contentedness and an abiding love and you have the feelings of someone who is happily married.”"

After making sure I understood, she settled back into her quiet reverie of years gone past and didn'’t speak again until I left.

Though she is still mourning, she is now in a place of acceptance and simply learning to live with the loss. Sometimes I am blown away by her resilience, conviction and strength. It almost makes me feel self-conscious and somewhat ashamed that I tried to play her once.

Last month, during lunch she said to me that I needed to learn more about women in order to respect them as people so that I could eventually have a successful relationship with one. As I check in on her I can’t help but think how right she was and how this is all part of learning that life lesson. 

Anatomy of a Meltdown

I am genuinely touched and taken aback by the number of messages I have received through Colin and Jon. I am sorry I haven't responded to the messages I received directly and hope that this post will serve both as a response and allay concerns and fears. I’m sorry that I just checked out of life... everyone's life, for awhile. There's so much stuff going on in my life right now that I just needed to take some time for me, turn my focus inward to strengthen my inner-self, in order to refocus/ re-group and then move on. Much like pulling back during a fierce military battle that has been waged for far too long.

Right now I'm just at stage 1 of loss: experiencing the feelings of overwhelming grief, from simultaneous losses (one was an old friend and neighbor of 20 yrs), which overwhelmed me all at once. I have been here once before... after 9/11.

This time as things began accumulating recently: enduring my skin cancer treatment this past year, the beach rescue that turned badly in early fall, the leg injury after thanksgiving which then brought back my carpel tunnel…; well, they were compounded by the news that my mom’s cancer treatment is not going well and she’s going blind, and 2 very recent losses of good friends who will be dearly missed. It was multiple straws that broke my emotional back.

There's always stuff going on in my life that I never talk about because: a) I'm not a whiner... I know that most situations are simply temporary life hurdles to get through. I am a very reserved individual who processes things by thinking thoroughly, feeling deeply and working through things by writing stories, letters, posts and in my journals; b) I’m accepting of many things because I know, in the end, my faith will carry me through everything; c) Oftentimes, I just need to process my feelings quietly first, so I can then be level-headed in planning out my actions and executing solutions. That always entails quiet reflection, definitely some prayer time and writing, and on occasion tears, when loss is involved. Since my hands were hurting I couldn't write. My spirit was too low to speak to anyone on the phone, my body was in great pain from physical therapy and my injury, so I reached a breaking point by the time I received the news of my mom and the losses of good friends.

Colin is a caring, funny and sometimes an exasperating work colleague (if you remember some of his posts you know what I mean), who doesn't know the personal side of me yet, because we've only recently begun to hang out, so he didn't know what was going on. Thanks to those who emailed him and enlightened him on Michele. He shared those emails with me and they touched me deeply. It seems some people who have been reading since the beginning do understand me. They knew I was too over-whelmed to clue him in when he showed up at my door on Sunday. My grieving process is always handled in private and within the confines of my home.

In this instance, I was just tired of enduring so much pain and loss in my life in this past year, especially as I approached the 1st anniversary of my best friend's death. So yes, I took the opportunity, while my son was at a sleepover during that weekend (a true blessing) to allow myself a mini-meltdown. Normally, some people overwhelmed with grief drink, they yell at people, or take it out on others. Me, I just wait for the best moment I can deal with my feelings and then let myself feel all of the pain of my losses, because I have no time and no strength to carry excess baggage around with me. So I deal by feeling everything all at once when I'm able to. It allows me to bounce back and be there for my responsibilities and my son sooner than trying to suppress the hurt while living my daily life. Lying on the grave was a fetal position moment that just couldn't wait any longer. I just wanted and needed to be close to my friends and feel their loving embrace and re-assurance. By lying on the grave it was as close to them as I could come in a moment in which I greatly missed them, needed to talk to them and wanted desperately to get one of their awesome loving hugs. See, if Colin had known me, as my friends did, he would have known that I was wearing my waterproof hiking gear. They would have known that I just needed to cry my heart out dry and would have let me do so.

After 9/11, Hook instictively understood that on some level and published my letters in which I finally shared how a survivor of an attack felt and how one finds their way back to the light after loss. In doing so, he helped my healing process by giving my pain and thoughts a forum. By giving voice to my words in print he guided me to the wonderful power of healing through writing. Through his kind act I learned that I would eventually be okay. Now I know that with time, God and through my writing l will once again heal my wounds.

I don't know if any of this is making any sense, but that's what was going on. When I visit their graves in the summer I sometimes sit down and have a picnic or just lay down and talk to or pray with them. As C. S. Lewis once said, when he was seen doing the same at his wife's grave: "Their spirits may not be there, it many not do a thing for their souls, but it certainly makes me feel a heck of a whole lot better."

As time passes, and grief is processed I'll move on to stage 2: acceptance. In the meantime, I'll live in appreciation for the wonderful gifts of friendship and love I received while they were in my life, and though I will miss their presence terribly, I’ll have wonderful moments of bliss that I can recall.

I have not yet told my son of my neighbor/his surrogate grandfather's passing, he's currently dealing with the flu so I decided to wait, like the coward that I am. That's the only thing I'm not good at, is telling him about death. When his fishes died several years ago, some of you may recall how I told him they went on vacation to Florida to visit family. When we were planning for our Disney vacation this past August he insisted on visiting his fish to try and talk them into coming home. Sweet I know, but do you think I told the truth. I started to, but caved in at the sight of quivering lips. But this time I have no choice but to share the sad news and help him through his own grief. My neighbor was a wonderful caring grand-father figure that was teaching my son different languages, music and art. He was a sculptor and an artist. Recently I had been enjoying tea time with him in the afternoons. What I will miss the most is being able to share the little simple things that I used to come across and read and our discussions about art, literature and politics. I was so looking forward to our discussion on Heinlein and Rand this coming week and on Tocqueville the week after.

So there you have it. All of it. I have not yet lost my mind, though I'm sure a few people thought I did. Thanks to those of you who sent messages of support. Just know that you helped to ease my grieving process by being with me in spirit. Thank you from the bottom of my heart. I don’t know when I’ll write again. Just know during my quiet moments that I’m doing my best to heal. In the meantime, what’s come of all this is local bloggers extending themselves to me and inviting me to “meet-up” in the Summer. There’s a Renaissance Festival in Troy, NY and Celtic Festival in CT where a few bloggers will get together. Which is nice, I have something fun to work towards and look forward to for when this dark cloud lifts and my leg heals. I did need something to gear my healing towards in the near future and an invitation to a dinner/dance in April helped enormously. Again, thank you all for your support, your kind thoughts and words have really helped during this time!

Out of my Depth

Colin here… writing a post for rhe injured Michele. 

As some of you may remember, I was a guest blogger awhile back until I was banished to Siberia by the beautiful Michele for violating her blogging guidelines. This time I return having been forgiven but with much consternation over Michele.

Michele and I have worked together in one professional capacity or another since late 2004 and as a result I’'ve had the opportunity to get to know her a bit on a personal level. Having redeemed myself, I’'ve been on my best behaviour and have been supportive during her recent physical challenges. However, in the last 2 days she’s undergone a radical change and I truly don’t know what to attribute it to or what to do to help her. When it comes to dealing with emotions, either mine or someone else’s, I'’m truly out of my depth. Perhaps if I explain what happened recently someone out there might understand and be able to guide me as to what to do to help her.

A few days ago, we agreed that I would pick her up on Sunday for lunch and afterwards drop her off at church. When I didn'’t receive a call-back Sunday morning I went to her apt. to make sure she was okay. What I found was someone who was the total opposite of the cheerful, vibrant woman I know. She was altered in both mind and spirit. After a great deal of coaxing she finally allowed me to drop her off to visit a friend she said she needed to talk to. To my surprise she guided me to a cemetery about an hour from her home. Over her objections I told her I would stay and wait as it threatened rain at any moment. Before leaving the car she asked me to promise that no matter what I would not get out of the car. I did and gave her an hour before I interrupted.

Ever so slowly, limping and hobbling along, she made her way through the graves and stopped before one with a large gray headstone about 30 feet away. She stood there for a moment and while holding onto the headstone knelt down on her good knee and leaned forward letting her forehead touch the headstone in a gentle and loving way. From where I sat I could see her lips moving as if in prayer. At one point she lifted her head slightly, just enough to kiss the stone. and then pressed her cheek against it and extended her arms like a christ-like figure, almost as if trying to hug and hold the headstone.

A steady drizzle began falling and just when I thought she would finally return, she instead carefully laid her body down on the wet grass. Not knowing what to do, and constrained by my promise, I lowered the car window and called out asking: "Are you okay?" After a minute, in which I was on the verge of running to her, I received a text message saying simply “yes”. There she lay immobile on that wet grass under a cold rain for almost half hour in which I knew she would be soaked to the bone. A long while later, when a torrential downpour began to fall, I felt I had to do something. Getting out of the car I ran to her side and asked her if I could help her get up. While I waited for a response I saw that her eyes were tightly shut. In looking at the headstone I recognized the picture as one of her deceased friends. Without asking again I picked her up and carried her back to the car, placing her gently in the seat. As I closed the door I saw her eyes were still closed and tears were steadily streaming down her cheeks.

When I turned on the ignition to engage the heating system my cd player turned on automatically and played “Far Away” by Nickelback, one of her favorite bands. As I reached to turn the music off she stopped my hand and said, "Please"” in a haunting pained voice that was just above a whisper. Her level of desolation is something I have never experienced in anyone. She began to sob silently while I sat there not knowing what to do nor knowing what to say and feeling pretty damned angry for it too. As a man, there has never been a time in my life that I can recall feeling so utterly helpless. Men are programmed to spring into action and fix things in order to save the day, not to sit quietly by, watching helplessly as women cry.

I eventually leaned over and put my hand on her shoulder, squeezing it to let her know I was there for her. I asked if there was anything I could do? Anyone I could call? But she just shook her head. Just as I was growing wild with desperation over her sobbing I asked if I could just give her a hug. When she didn'’t respond I simply pulled her towards me and embraced her as tightly as I could. Her body shuddered from the deepest sob I'’ve ever heard. It truly broke my heart seeing her this way and knowing there was nothing I could do to lessen her pain.

I held her for a very long time until her sobs subsided. She eventually pulled away to lean back in the car seat and through small heaves of tearful gasps said “thank you”. I pleaded with her to please give me something to do, no matter how small or insignificant, that might help in some way to make her feel better, for I felt totally impotent. That’s an awful feeling to have while facing someone in pain. When she was finally calm enough to speak, she turned to me and said “pray” which was followed by a huge mournful sigh.

“"Pray?”" I asked, not recalling having ever prayed in my life. 

"“Pray."” she said earnestly. 

After a long pause I confessed to her that “I don’t know how to pray.” Then I asked her, "Does “God listens to the prayers of unbelievers?"” 

“"God listens to all,… especially sinners."” And silent tears began to fall once again.

 

“"That’s it? Just pray?”" I asked again to make sure that’s what she really wanted from me and to get her to focus on our conversation rather than her thoughts and pain.

“"Pray,"” she said looking at me with the saddest face I’ve ever seen on her.

 

After a long pause, I asked, "“How?"” She reached over and with great effort turned off the music. She then clasped her hands, bowed her head and taking a deep breath said, "“Dear God,”" pausing for a moment to steady her emotions that were once again welling up inside, "“please help Michele heal & become whole once again. Amen.”" 

She looked up at me encouragingly, so I followed her lead and repeated the same words.” After another long pause I asked, "“Is that all I can do?”" 

“

"That’s all anyone can do for me right now"” she said trying to breathe through her unsettled emotions.   

We drove back the entire way in total silence, which to be honest I welcomed over the crying. I made her promise to call if she needed anything but all she said was “just pray”. I still can’t see how this prayer business works and how it can actually help her, so I’m turning to you, her readers (especially the women), to guide me and tell me what I can really do to help. She doesn’t want to talk about it, so I’m not going to press, but I welcome any advice or suggestions on how I might help because I have no clue as to what to do. If you think of anything, please email me. In the meantime, I’'ll keep updating everyone as to how she’s doing.